Baby Babble

Boy or girl? Which would you choose to raise?

Everyone has an opinion: Boys are more difficult! No, girls are more difficult!

Has anyone proven it, one way or the other? Sure, you might currently be frustrated as heck over your boy's bad behavior, but which is more difficult to raise, really? A boy or a girl?

Take a look at this insightful analysis from parenting.com. Basically, the short answer to the question of boys or girls is, "It depends."  Girls’ and boys’ brains are different at birth—they’re just wired that way. Boys thrive on taking risks—it lights up a pleasure center in their brains. Girls generally need to be encouraged to take more risks. However, girls tend to have better communication skills because they are more people-oriented; boys are more action-oriented (as suggested by the endless amount of risk-taking). But because girls are more people-oriented, they tend to be chronic people-pleasers, leading to less confidence and greater insecurities in pre-teen years.

So which is harder to raise? Well, given all this information, boys, needing constant movement and action, are more difficult as babies, but girls, needing constant approval and self-esteem boosts, are more difficult in the pre-teen years. There you have it.

Do you have your own thoughts on the matter? What have you discovered in your own experiences? Send us your stories by clicking onto "comment(s)" just below and following the steps. 

"Helpful” parents aren’t really that helpful

I’m sure you want the absolute best for your children, right? You want them to get the best grades possible, get into the best schools, excel in a terrific sport—basically apply themselves to the extreme. But where does letting kids be kids end, and being a pushy parent start?

In the U.S they’re known as helicopter parents, but other countries have pushy parents, too: Japan’s “education mothers” spend every minute steering their kids through the school systems, and Scandinavia’s “curling parents” frantically sweep the ice in front of their kids to make for an easier glide. You see the metaphor there. Parents worldwide simply want make their children’s lives easier—but that comes with a price.

Helicopter parents do their kids’ homework and settle their kids’ debates; but while parents are busy trying to make life easier for their children, said kids aren’t developing necessary coping and negotiating skills. You’ve heard the one about the woman who called her grown son’s boss to demand a raise for her son? I’ll bet that went over well.

Parents are over-involved and kids are overindulged; has it been forgotten that the goal of raising children is to produce independent, capable, critical-thinking adults?

Have you seen helicopters hoving in your neighborhood? Do you suspect yourself of the occassional "helicopter" attitude toward your children? Write us here with stories of over-protection! Click onto "comment(s)" just below.

Show your kids some freedom

You must have heard this one: A New York City mom leaves her nine-year-old son in New York City with a MetroCard, $20, and some quarters, and expects him to find his way home. Alone. On the subways. No, it wasn’t a form of child abuse; after all, the kid begged for the challenge! But many tongues are wagging over this, and it seems everyone has an opinion.

Lenore Skenazy—mom in question—believes that too many parents have become “helicopter parents,” meaning they hover over and control their kids a wee bit much. She claims—and probably rightly so—that parents are so worried about abductors, molesters, muggers, bugs, dirt, drowning, and falling that kids have been restricted from doing anything creative, imaginative, active, or exploratory.

Isn't overprotection a danger in and of itself, Skenazy asks. “A child who thinks he can’t do anything on his own eventually can’t.”

Skenazy comes armed with information from the Justice Department and the research center STATS.com, who both say child abductions are extremely rare (in 2006, there were 115 abductions out of a country of 300 million), and that the number of abductions seems to be holding steady if not decreasing.

Some people applaud this mom; others consider what she did child abuse.

Do you want to weigh in on her actions? Did you grow up riding your bike from hither to yon until the sun went down?

Just in time for Mother's Day: Cosmetic surgery

We almost hate to give more attention to a new "children's book" on the market called "My Beautiful Mommy."  [To that end, we're not mentioning the author, the cover, the publisher or where you can buy the darn thing.]  Now, just by the title, you'd think this might be about honoring our mothers and the vital role they play in our lives. But, nope! It's about helping children "understand" when it's time for Mommy to go off and have her face carved, tummy tucked, mammaries...ahem...surgically enhanced. 

Oh, puh-leaze.

Now, we at The Baby Babble are not the first to dis on this dish. In fact, over at "Parent Dish" blogger Angie Felton nails it when she writes about the book, "Of course, there's a happy ending! Mom didn't die on the operating table and once her beak was shaved down and her pregnancy flab removed she's able to smile happily in the spotlight baring her midriff top and squeezed into a pair of low rise pants."

As to the "doctor" who "wrote" this book, can you say, "Shameless Self Promotion"? And, how about to the mothers who feel the best way to deal with their "pruney" post-pregnancy skin is surgery.  Why not buy your child a college education instead?

Isn't the best way to keep a child from worrying about bruises and bandages post-surgery not to have surgery in the first place, if you can help it?

Okay, yep. That was judgmental.  And, we don't care. If you buy this book, promise us one thing: You'll buy your child 12 more real books at the same time.

Care to comment?

Confessions from moms who "break the rules"

• Have you left your child in her car seat while you ran in to do a quick errand--dropping off the dry cleaning; returning an overdue book?
• Have you not done this, but looked askance at others who have?

Here's one mom at Work It Mom who's making an arguement to lighten up--on yourself!

Sometimes you just gotta weigh the risks and the benefits--something that's done in the business world everyday, by the way--of a parenting decision and hope for the best.  Whether it's a few minutes of television (no, we never said that it was evil), an occassional candy for a two-year-old, or leaving her in a locked car for 30 seconds...we all gotta cut each other some slack. That seems to be the theme of a lot of blogosphere talk these days, yet the accusations apparently continue around family dinner tables and at the water cooler. ("How could you leave her alone?" "Candy, you gave her candy?")    We here at The Baby Babble place the blame for these accusations firmly where it belongs: With the 24/7 news cycle that requires us to hear, endlessly, about all the boogey-man badness in the world. I propose that if we all watched less tv (there's that phrase again), especially fewer "news" programs, we would all not be accusing other parents of being bad parents.  Because, in the end, the world isn't as bad a place as we think it is. You can read more on this debate here.

Ever wonder if you're a good parent? These folks seem to have hit on the the definitive answer.

But for now, let's stick to the pressing issue of our time: Babies left in car seats. Would you? Have you?

Drop us your stories by clicking onto "comments" just below.

More opinions on tv-viewing tots

Here at The Baby Babble we've been trying to explore all angles of the tv-watching debate: Should your toddler watch television, DVDs, educational or not.  We always start this discussion by re-stating the fact: The American Academy of Pediatricians has stated that a child age 2 and younger should watch NO television (or screens of any sort) at all.  The theory is that television-watching produces problems in language development and attention span.  So, now that we've said that--AGAIN--here are some other opinions.  Over at a blog called "Baby Shrink" a woman, Katie, writes in to say, basically, she lets her toddler watch television "before day care" and "because she (the toddler) likes it."  This sent a little chill up The Baby Babble spine!  Is "because she likes it" a good reason to allow a toddler to do anything?  We don't think so.  And, the idea that the child is allowed to watch television "before day care" seems to be a not-great strategy for helping Mom get the child ready and out the door. We remember those days of whining, "I just gotta see this...." from the television room.

Well, Baby Shrink was maybe kinder than we would be on this topic. Baby Shrink asked "television expert" Frederick J. Zimmerman, PhD, what he thought and he suggested all parents consider these three things before allowing their child to watch television:

What is being watched? Content matters.

How much is being watched? Amount matters.

What is the context in which TV is watched? The rest of the child's life and environment matters.

Tell us what you think? Should toddlers be allowed to watch television "because they like it"? Click onto "comments" just below, then follow the prompts.

DVDs in the car? TV at home? How much, when, if at all?

Last week we brought you a discussion from a woman who had cut off television viewing for her toddler after he had become a little too dependent on it.  She did, however, go on to say that she intends to have plenty of DVDs in the car for the child to watch as they embarked on a 7-hour trip. This seem to us here at The Baby Babble as a little counter-productive. If the child was becoming dependent on TV to keep himself entertained and now has learned not to, what is the essential difference between 7 hours in the car and 7 hours in the house? How about coloring books, singing, rhyme games, counting the cows...whatever?

A child and parent can keep each other entertained for that time, can't they?  And, there will be the inevitable naps. (I get sleepy just thinking about it.) Won't a 7-hour DVD pigout undo what this woman has accomplished? You tell us. If you're against television-watching, shouldn't you be against DVD-viewing for long periods of tiime?

TV-viewing toddlers--none, some, how much is too much?

Blogger Linda Lee over at Blogging Baby cut her 2-year-old toddler off of television cold turkey a few weeks ago, when it appeared he was using it as a crutch and, well, getting addicted to "Blues Clues." She reports after a few weeks of this, toddler Riley does seem to be learning to "pretend" more and his speech may be improving, perhaps because he's talking to his mom about all the new playing he's doing. Mom Linda apparently had started to rely on the television a little too much after another baby was born, to keep toddler Riley from getting bored during feedings, etc.

Parents seem to fall into two camps on the television-watching thing, and the debate can get pretty heated. Here in The Baby Babble, we've repeatedly reported on what the American Academy of Pediatrics has said--no screens of any sort before the age of 2. (See links to more Baby Babble stories below.)

What about age 2 and up? What do you think? We'd love to hear your views.

Take our Baby Babble Poll below and tune in here next Wedesday for more on this discussion. Of course, as always, you can leave your own comments on this topic below, just by clicking onto "comments." Your remarks will appear here instantly.

Read past reports from The Baby Babble on parenting and television:

• Television and toddlers: Parents are not getting the message
• Parents win out over screens in helping baby brains develop
• Parents, listen up! Your babies and toddlers should NOT be watching television

Waiting to hear your little one use little words? Talk to her

You probably know by now that every child develops speech at his or her own pace.  Some start early. Others start late but catch up quickly, according to this columnist. Boys, in general, begin talking later than girls do.  Younger children in a family may start speaking much later than their older siblings did.  This may be because parents don't talk as much to the younger one as they did to the firstborn.  Whatever the reason, language skills and the beginning of speech are all helped by language interaction with adults.

This expert suggests that it's important to engage your children in conversation and speak to them all the time. Reading, singing and talking are all great things to do with very young children. Reading books to him or her will eventually encourage attempts to speak. Talk to your baby as if you were having a conversation, even if he or she is not responding.

Here's a great little chart summarizing developmental milestones in children, .

New book, new play, new product all take aim at over-parenting

Suddenly it seems like everyone is taking about the issue of "over-parenting"--protecting our kids too much from life's realities.  A British author has penned "No Fear: Growing Up in a Risk Averse Society" to discuss how a seeming surge in trying to protect our children from everything may result in, well, damaged kids.  The author argues that it is through encountering risks that our children learn to be self-reliant, and they learn the skills they'll need later in life to overcome challenging situations.  He and others in Britain are suggesting that a more "child friendly" environment, where children are encouraged to roam free knowing that everyone is watching out for them, is a better way to go.

In a one-woman play now on stage in Salt Lake City, "Billion Dollar Baby" is exploring what happens when parents focus too much on protecting their children and "pampering" them with expensive gadgets and toys. The play is presented from the point of view of a grandmother watching her children over-parent their children. The playwright calls this over-parenting "conspicuously consumptive" and says she wrote the play, a satire, to try to stimulate discussion and change. The playwright suggests that it's okay to go through childhood with skinned knees.

Well, if you're a parent contemplating letting your child roam free, you might first want to check into this new gadget from a British company--a GPS-enabled jacket. First designed for adult hikers, the jacket is now being marketed to parents who want to be sure to locate their child should he wander off (or, at least find his jacket).  Hmmm..seems a bit of overkill, don't you think? And, it's not really a summer-friendly gadget, is it?

What do you think of all this? Will you let your child play alone at a certain age? Walk to school? Ride a bike without a helmet?  Write us with your thoughts on over-protective parenting. Just click onto "comments" below and you'll be directed on how to leave your message.